The Gift of Giving

In fourth grade, I was the new kid.

It was early November and I had to catch up on all the material covered since September. Plus, I had to make new friends. My nine-year-old self felt the pressure.

Little did I know, that first day at West Hempfield Elementary School a wonderful woman came into my life. Many others and myself know her as Mrs. Ferchak.

I felt like I was Mrs. Ferchak’s favorite student. Then again, all of my classmates thought they were her favorite student. We all felt loved in her classroom.

Thirteen years later, I sit across from her on the couch in her little condo home in Greensburg.

“I don’t need a thing for Christmas, but I love giving to people,” she said. “When you asked me to do this, that was a gift. That’s all I need.”

Her husband, Mike, sat in the recliner chair next to us with a blanket wrapped up to his neck. She looked at him with a smile. 

In December 2014, Mike was diagnosed with multiple system atrophy. It is a rare neurological disease that impairs bodily functions the body usually takes care of on its own, such as blood pressure, heart rate, bladder function and digestion. It is a terminal disease.

He watched his wife tell her story, their story. She was humbled with the opportunity and began with a tissue in hand.

Helene Ferchak dreamed of being a teacher since she was little. With a knack for science and math, her parents pushed her to pursue a “better” career. She went to Allegheny College for pre-med, but ended up taking the civil service test after graduation. She got a job at social security disability.

“That’s where I met Mike,” she said. “At the photocopier in the office.” 

They got married after dating for a few years. She was 27 and Mike was 35. They decided to have children quickly and ran into a bit of trouble trying to do so.

Then, their “miracle babies” came along. First was their son, Michael, followed by their daughter, Rachel, three years later.

After Michael was born, Mrs. Ferchak decided to go back to school and fulfill her dream to be a teacher. She took one class in the evenings at Duquesne University. Five and a half years later, she had her masters in teaching. 

“Even though I didn’t go down the teaching path right after college, I think it was important and God had his hand in it because I met Mike and was able to start a family,” Mrs. Ferchak said. “Besides God, and my relationship with God, the next most important thing on this earth is my family.”

Nearly every time Mrs. Ferchak said the word “family,” tears filled her eyes. It was like she had so much feeling attached to that word she couldn’t keep it inside. 

“I think my mom is incredibly special,” her daughter said. “She cares and loves people so well and I’ve been on the receiving end of that my entire life.”

After she got her teaching degree, Mrs. Ferchak taught in the Hempfield school district. She bounced around a bit, then got a job at West Hempfield Elementary. 

I watched as Mrs. Ferchak dabbed her eyes with a tissue, smiled, laughed and stared up into the ceiling trying to put together words that explained the joy she got out of teaching.

 “The kids taught me so much,” she said. She learned patience, flexibility and resiliency from her students. 

She saw kids that came from such terrible home lives that she had no idea how they were able to learn. It reminded her how blessed her own family is.

“I realized that it’s just as important to love the kids and be there for them and be a good role model for them than all the book learning,” Mrs. Ferchak said.

A couple years into her teaching career, Hempfield teachers went on strike. It was September 2006 after the school board rejected a new contract.

She did not want to be on the picket line, but according to Mrs. Ferchak, this was all part of God’s plan. While she stood there, she heard her friend and coworker, Lori Roscher, say she had to go on the transplant list and wait for a kidney.

Lori had a family history of polycystic kidney disease. Mrs. Ferchak knew about her kidney disease, but didn’t know it was that bad. When she overheard Lori that day, Mrs. Ferchak blurted out, “Lori, I will give you a kidney.”

That night she told Mike she was going to get tested to see if she was a match. You can imagine Mike’s shock, but he said he would get tested as well, thinking if he were a match, he would do it over his wife.

Both of them were matches, but with further testing doctors found that Mike was diabetic and unable to donate.

“I knew it was supposed to be me anyways,” Mrs. Ferchak said.

West Hempfield Elementary held an assembly honoring Lori and Mrs. Ferchak. Other teachers gave up sick days so both had ample time to recover. The story was featured on a local news station and in a Tribune Review article.

“At first I wanted to be anonymous… I really wanted to be anonymous,” Mrs. Ferchak said.

Lori wanted her to go public, thinking their story may inspire others to donate, or at least become an organ donor on their driver’s licenses.

“I said if I can help one other person, then I’ll do it,” Mrs. Ferchak said.

The transplant went smoothly and the Roscher family continues to thank Mrs. Ferchak to this day.

“I wasn’t scared when I gave the kidney because I figured if God put that in my head and in my heart… he wasn’t going to let anything happen,” she said.

Mike still sat in the corner of the living room on his recliner chair. He smiled and nodded when Mrs. Ferchak looked over at him to double check dates and times as she recounted their lives.

Mike gets around by wheelchair. He has to be tube fed and he needs help with things as simple as using the bathroom. Mrs. Ferchak said he never complains.

On Labor Day in 2015, Mike fell. The fall and the seriousness of his disease prompted her to take an early retirement in January 2016 in order to become his full time caregiver.

“It was the best decision I made,” she said. “I’m very happy to be home with Mike, very happy. And I don’t regret it one bit at all because this is a special time.”

Again, Mrs. Ferchak fought back tears staring at her husband. She volunteers once a week at West Point Elementary School. The rest of her time is spent with Mike.

She said they read a lot. They watch good movies on Netflix and they play Words With Friends.

“He still beats me,” she said.

Then, Mrs. Ferchak told me something I never thought she’d share with me. She was honest and genuine and eager to tell me about the importance of forgiveness. 

At one point in their marriage, Mrs. Ferchak was ready to leave Mike. Nothing major happened– no affairs, no abuse– just a lot of “stuff” that piled up over the years. There were three or four years that she didn’t speak to her husband.

“We lived in the same house but we weren’t talking,” she said. “We only talked when we had to.”

She turned to her faith to help her realize that she needed to forgive Mike for all the “things” that were suffocating their marriage.

She and Mike recently gave a similar testimony at their church about this story and forgiveness. Mrs. Ferchak’s hope was to help other people struggling to fully forgive.

“I’m just so thankful, because now these years that we have together here are some of the sweetest times,” she said. Her lip quivered and she tilted her head. She closed her eyes and smiled. “Even though Mike has a horrible disease, our marriage is at a sweet time. I would’ve missed all this.”                                                    

When I first asked Mrs. Ferchak to share her story, she didn’t know why I picked her. She doesn’t take credit for all the positivity she brings to others’ lives and the strength she now provides to her husband and family.

“I believe we were able to do everything we have done… the miracle of our babies, kidney, my career, this…everything, because of what our faith in Jesus is,” she said.

She spent her entire life giving. Through giving, she’s learned that spending time with people and investing in people is one of the most important things in life.

Mike nodded in agreement with all that she said.

He is at peace with his situation. Mrs. Ferchak said this is why he never complains and why he has no fear of what is to come. It is a peace that helps her and reminds her that everything is going to be okay.

I left their home with a plate of cookies and a little bit of that peace.

Mrs. Ferchak lives a positive and sweet life because she has found joy in giving to others. She doesn’t have millions of dollars to give (if she did, she would), but she has time.

Time to spend volunteering at school, making cookies or reading with Mike…

Mrs. Ferchak views everything in her life as a blessing and what a world it would be if more people viewed life the way she does.